Changes

There has been a lot happening in my life, that's the reason my silence.

I don't want tell any details, but let's say that relationships are really difficult. There's always something that goes wrong.

But not everything that has happened are bad things, but sadly most of it is.

I have been thinking a lot lately, mostly about who am I and who I want to be, but also about what people think i am and stuff.

I still hasn't got the answer. But I think I know a bit more now. 

I know I wanna try my wings and live and study in Germany.

I know I fear darkness and being left alone.

I know I don't want to be treated like a crap, and I won't let anyone treat me like that.

And I also know that when I want something, I'm nervous about it. Years earlier than it happens.

I always say that I'm over my past. I'm not. 

Because I realized last night that my past makes me who I am, and I can't just ignore it. It made me stronger, it made me wiser, it made me think things before acting. It made me read a lot, it made me dream and wonder. 

It made me that person I'm now. 

I regret many things, but now I'm wondering if I need to. Because those things taught me a lot.

I do have said things i shouldn't, because I hurt some people with my words.

I do have done things that i should have left undone, because those things broke something in me.

So I'm wondering that am I a bad person if I won't regret those things anymore, but feel glad that I did those things.

But I think it's time to give up of the shadows around me, and time to look to future. 

Drowning into my nightmares won't help me any further.

So maybe it's time to watch what life will bring to me, and try to be positive this time. 

Let's take a new try.

Again...