Last months has been crazy.
Literally.
During these last three months I had time to fall in love with a person who needed me only for few seconds and therefore broke my heart into millions of pieces.
I found a job that seemed perfect but was everything but perfect and I resigned.
I studied hard for entrance exams and I gave up. (Tho did the exams but feel like I failed miserably)
I graduated in time, literally against all odds considering that I spent quite a lot of time just crying and stressing and not actually doing anything.
Now I have nothing to do and I started to write again.
Let's see if it ever becomes anything but maybe it will fill my days with something to do so I don't need to be drinking to get at least few moments of fun into my life.
Or I'll have a problem with alcohol before this summer is over.
And I definitely don't want that.
I don't want more hangovers.
And I definitely don't need moral hangovers which come with the physical shitty feeling.
Now I no longer wonder why people say that summer after graduation is extremely hard.
At first it was relief having no school things to do during the holiday.
But now I would give my everything just to have the security of those routines.
Security of knowing what to do at fall.
Right now I have nothing and it scares the hell out of me.
All I have is insomniac nights and days spent in a haze because I'm too tired to function.
I'm too tired to try anything.
And there's no point trying to find a new job because I don't know where I'll be at the autumn.
I have nothing left but hope and even hope has started to fade.
But it's only 14 days of complete uncertainty.
Then I can at least make new plans if I didn't get the place in university.
