A month or two ago I was at the top of the world.
I had met this amazing guy and we had had couple awesome nights out with friend or just with the two of us.
Time meant nothing to us and with him I felt like time didn't exist.
We didn't even talk about dating, neither of us wanted it. We wanted just to have fun.
What I'm about to tell has nothing to do with this guy.
I just wanted to remind that there was a time I was happy and it wasn't long time ago.
Just under a month ago I was on senior cruise and that time or that whole week belongs into top 10 times.
But something happened.
And I don't know what.
John Green has kinda put that into words, I guess.
Maybe all the strings inside him broke
So, what am I talking about?
My depression came back.
I'm not sure if it ever even left
And it's incredibly hard to write those four words.
I still don't want to admit it.
I just want to be normal again.
But I don't even know what being normal is
I know I should go back to therapy.
But I have never found a therapist that I like, so it would be pointless.
And maybe all this shit is caused by the stress I'm having.
I don't have school, only books to study.
For matriculation exams and entrance exams.
So I don't really know what to do.
I don't want to be left alone but I don't want to be in company either
Being alone means that the demons will come to haunt me.
Being in company means I need to keep my shit together.
And I don't think I like either of the options.
Or maybe I'm afraid that I'll become a burden
This blog was never supposed to be a story of my depression.
But suddenly I feel like I need to share my thoughts a little.
Maybe people will remember that I'm not perfect.
And that I'm not being rude when I cancel plans or suddenly just show up.
I'm just consumed by my anxieties.
And it has nothing to do with other people.
This problem lies in me
