Middle of unknown

Days go by even without me really being there. 

I don't know why I am like this. It isn't just because I have flue right now, have had already 1½ weeks. 

I think that it has something to do with my past. That there is still something that I have to figure out, but I just don't know what that something is!

I don't know do I fear more being alone than being around other people. And yet I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be around anyone either.

It's just sometimes that you want to fall down and face all those things alone. Maybe that is what makes us better or at least somehow different people. 

When I'm writing this, I'm also thinking where all that time went. It wasn't long time ago when I stepped the last time out of my 6th grades classroom. And now I'm already in my second high school year, with one more year to go, before I will have my freedom. 

Sometimes I'm wondering how people tend to see me. 

Do they see the girl who's suffering silently and drowning herself to different tasks so she will forget everything else?

Or do they see the girl who's just wanting freedom and who's happy all day long?

Or do they see something else?

It always bothers me, because I would love to know what other people thinks about me. But no one never tells. It's annoying.

Right now looks like I'm blabbering everything by random, but I just can't sleep, even when I should. I still have school on the morning... There is just so much in my head, that I can never calm down quickly and fall asleep. Normally it takes at least an hour.

I'm just tired with everything. And I really would want to rest my head from all this shit, but it looks like I'm unable to do so right now. So it would probably be the best, if I just stay in my bed and sleep for many days. But world is unfair and I can't do that.

A perfect day

I had a total screaming and crying session when I saw this. Like, heck, 4 years brake and I still started damn fangirling when I saw this. I really can't believe that they are really really coming back, because we heard 4 years "soon". But now Tokio Hotel really is coming back.

Gosh, I thought that I would focus to school work this year and study German and Russian well, but after this I probably can't focus to my studies. 

Oh, by the way I know that my blog has been quiet for a while, but I really haven't had anything to write about, and I don't feel like posting about my holiday trips is something I want to share with everyone. But I had awesome summer with many awesome people, some I knew already and some I didn't, but it didn't matter, because they were so good company. 

School has started again, in that same shitty school (not shitty because of people, but because it causes health problems to so many students.) and that's why I probably won't be posting much. Even though lately I haven't posted so actively. But it won't be as quiet as in summer, I promise.

Have a nice autumn everyone :)